14 Jun


OK so tonight my fella was out having a few sneaky sherries with his gentleman pals, and I decided to take the opportunity to do all the gross girly things, that …. lets be honest you don’t want your fella seeing you do.

Last week I had the best idea of my life… I decided to dye my hair orange (WTF??)

When I first started modelling, all the hairdressers used to turn me red for shoots? I never knew why this was… Maybe I suited being a stunning shade of scarlet ? .. or maybe they all secretly thought I was a tit, and wanted everyone else to hate me , so they dyed me ginge ….?

Anyway my hairs fucked!, so I decided to see if that Moroccan oil is any good? I slapped on half a bottle, then decided to apply my NEW ST TROPEZ DARK. I was soooooo fringin’  excited to try this I literally couldn’t get my gloves* on quick enough.

After 5 very quick minutes of slapping the bastard on (Big Fat Gypo wedding had just started)… I started to noticed my gorgeous pre colour.



Get on, the one handed back appliance! Ha Ha or as i like to say ” No- one ever see’s your back anyway!” ;-S


Sticky and FUMIN’ I decided to write.. well type a letter of complaint (its not the 1700’s!) .. and here it is

Dear Mr St Tropez,

I am a hardcore St Tropez fan,that hard core that I have been wearing your product since I was 15, and own every product you have brought out. My latest purchase was New “St Tropez Dark”. Being the fake tan geek that I am, you cannot understand how excited Iwas, driving home, with the bottle in my bag. Anyways I prepped and applied the product, and all I can say is that I am massively disappointed with it. It goes on green, so I can’t leave the house! At least with the other St Tropez, you can do the emergency dirty streaky dash to the shops, for a bottle of milk, or god forbid, you have ran out of fake eyelashes!!!

In no where in your description, is your product called “ST Tropez Green”…. it actually reads “St Tropez Dark” and lets be honest .. I wouldn’t even class green a dark colour anyway!.  So as I am typing this I look like an alien with AIDS. Is it always going to be like this? or has there been a dodgy batch delivered to Boots at Speke retail park?

 I await your reply

The green aids alien




*Stolen from a petrol fort court……AND  yes SOMEONE DOES USE THEM!


One Response to “Fake Tan THURSDAY”

  1. Kat shaver June 14, 2012 at 10:17 pm #

    This is the best one yet! Me and Craig are almost pissing our pants! Please please send that letter off! If I worked in the st tropez office it would make my day reading that!!! It really is green!!!! Get well soon xx

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