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Fake Tan THURSDAY

14 Jun

               

OK so tonight my fella was out having a few sneaky sherries with his gentleman pals, and I decided to take the opportunity to do all the gross girly things, that …. lets be honest you don’t want your fella seeing you do.

Last week I had the best idea of my life… I decided to dye my hair orange (WTF??)

When I first started modelling, all the hairdressers used to turn me red for shoots? I never knew why this was… Maybe I suited being a stunning shade of scarlet ? .. or maybe they all secretly thought I was a tit, and wanted everyone else to hate me , so they dyed me ginge ….?

Anyway my hairs fucked!, so I decided to see if that Moroccan oil is any good? I slapped on half a bottle, then decided to apply my NEW ST TROPEZ DARK. I was soooooo fringin’  excited to try this I literally couldn’t get my gloves* on quick enough.

After 5 very quick minutes of slapping the bastard on (Big Fat Gypo wedding had just started)… I started to noticed my gorgeous pre colour.

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Get on, the one handed back appliance! Ha Ha or as i like to say ” No- one ever see’s your back anyway!” ;-S

…….

Sticky and FUMIN’ I decided to write.. well type a letter of complaint (its not the 1700’s!) .. and here it is

Dear Mr St Tropez,

I am a hardcore St Tropez fan,that hard core that I have been wearing your product since I was 15, and own every product you have brought out. My latest purchase was New “St Tropez Dark”. Being the fake tan geek that I am, you cannot understand how excited Iwas, driving home, with the bottle in my bag. Anyways I prepped and applied the product, and all I can say is that I am massively disappointed with it. It goes on green, so I can’t leave the house! At least with the other St Tropez, you can do the emergency dirty streaky dash to the shops, for a bottle of milk, or god forbid, you have ran out of fake eyelashes!!!

In no where in your description, is your product called “ST Tropez Green”…. it actually reads “St Tropez Dark” and lets be honest .. I wouldn’t even class green a dark colour anyway!.  So as I am typing this I look like an alien with AIDS. Is it always going to be like this? or has there been a dodgy batch delivered to Boots at Speke retail park?

 I await your reply

The green aids alien

aka

Kazzabear

 

*Stolen from a petrol fort court……AND  yes SOMEONE DOES USE THEM!

Fish N Chips

8 Jun

Ok so last night was a bit of rare night out,  me and all my mates where moaning about how shit it is to grow up, Everyones skint, older  fatter and …… ugiler ! ha

 Bah …

Fuck you human nature…

Life was soooo easy years a go   our biggest concern was, who was going to go in for the 20/20 !

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QUE, MASSIVE reminiscing!…..

Maybe this was one for the girls ( or slightly faggy lads!)… But do you remember begging your mum to let you use this little Horror!

 …

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“BUT MUMMM IT NATURALLLLLLLLLLLLL” .

Trying to blag your mum that it was “harmless” because the sun would “naturally” lighten your hair! HA HA.

I vaigely remember the sun in BURN when the liquid use to touch the back of my neck!… and then sitting there BLASTING my head with the hairdryer …. (yeah dead natural that)

Me and  my mates all looked exactly the same with our orangey blonde hair

Other scouse schoolgirl staples ( cira 90’s)  include…

Rimmell Heather/Coffee shimmer

White musk, or Dewberry if you wanted to be a bit “different”

Sun in hair …..

and a packet of ….

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x

Families ….

29 May

Got a call from my Mum yesterday to say, that my dad went the gym at 5am.

(As usual!.. he is  totally hardcore like that!). He went on the runner, did a few reps on the weights machine, then went and had ago of the stomach cruncher.

He then got shook by his mate, to tell him that he had fallen asleep and was snoring very LOUDLY in the gym .

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ! what a LEDGE

Families are Boss, no matter how much you love or hate yours …..Check out these pictures from ACTUAL family albums (not mine!)

Incest Demin game of Pile-e-on anyone?

Yeah .. I’d be screaming too!

Who’s idea was this ?

Every wondered what happened to the dude from Knightmare? … look like he got one of the contestants Preggers!

Ha! No comment!

Shaving cats when pissed

28 May

Ok, so my mates, erm … lets call them …. “Batherine” and “Braig” have just got a new cat. Its a lovely cat but very very hairy, its that hairy infact it has trouble breathing properly from the huge amount of hair round its face and nose,  One eveening after a few jolly sherries, “Braig” decided he would shave a little bit of hair around the cats face so it could breath properly, “Batherine” decided it would be a great idea to shave in some “Ugg” boots. (as the cat was called “Uggs”)…. few more sherries later, and the cat look like it had been attacked by someone with clippers and a serious case of the hicups!.

and WWWA- LA ….

Herbert couldn’t of done a better job himself !

SEXY.

P.s No cats or clippers where damaged in the making of this picture.

Kazzabear

x

People who look like Angry Birds!

28 May

Ok so this is my new past time .. ” Finding people who look like Angry Birds”. It all started on a boring Sleezy Jet flight to Egypt.

4 and a 1/2 hours of nothing to do apart from drink over priced “Sachets” of drink, WTF????

I mistaken one for a sachet of vingar once, and lashed a whole sachet of Gin over my chip … UMMMMMM GIN CHIPS. ..

Anyhows 3 hours in, pissed and bored I decided to read the free inflight magazine for the abaaaaaa the 5th time and come across this scary bitch …

Couldn’t resist taking a sneaky picture, this little beauty opened my eyes to all the other potential Angry bird people…..

This one is actually from the Chanel A/W2012 catwalk show ……. Bah! your tooo late Coco, Love these brows have been around  in Scouseland since Pete Price was a nipper! (i.e Longggg time ago)

Do you reckon she got it at Cricket?

Wedges (not)

27 May

… Ok  Scouse girls love wedges, when I mean …Love … I mean FUCKING love ’em. Now am a born and bred Scouser…. but they really make me do a mini sick .

Ask any lad, they hate them, their not feminine, and if you hit someone over the head  wlth one, you will defo knock them clean out, so suppose they can double up as a offence weapon?.

he’s just seen his mum put her wedges one, and shes FUMIN !

They throw your weight forward, and make you look like you have a club foot ..?…

Nah I just don’t get it?

Other things I “Don’t get”

  • Buying Plants???  just dig them up from somewhere and save yourself abaa 80 quid!
  • People who come out “for just one” WHY?
  • Girls who dont wear make up  .. why wouldn’t you want to look your best?
  • People who show you baby scans ?  … Oh well done, your having a black and white alien …
  • SPAM ?? i.e Vomit in a tin.
  • Little kids with mobile phones? who you going to call Ghost Busters !??

Kazzabear

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